05 August 2010

Sir Hugh Platt's "Poem on a Fart"

Looking for an e-text of Henry Power's poem "In Commendation of the Microscope" -- the manuscript of which is cited here, in this 1782 Catalogue of the manuscripts preserved in the British Museum hitherto undescribed --

-- I notice this:

Sir Hugh Platt, "Poem on a fart." An unpublished manuscript poem from the same Sir Hugh Plat (1552-1611) known for his pioneering work on helping tender-footed horses and composing cole-balls? Methinks mayhaps.

This catalogue is the only record that appears on a Google search, and EEBO doesn't contain a published version. The only other "Poem on a Fart" turned up by Google is much later: Don Fartinando Puff-indorst's 'e The Benefit of Farting explain'd: or the Fundament -- all Cause of the Distempers Incident to the FAIR-SEX: Proving, a Posteriori, most of the Dis-ordures In-tail'd upon them are owing to Flatulencies not seasonably vented (1722), appended with, you guessed it, "On a Fart, let in the House of Commons":

"On A Fart, let in the House of Commons"

Reader, I was born, and cried;
I crack'd, I smelt, and so I died.
Like Julius Caesar's was my death,
Who in the senate lost his breath.
Much alike entomb'd does lie
The noble Romulus and I:
And when I died, like Flora fair,
I left the commonwealth my heir.

Look -- it's even published in LONG-FART, for the use of the Lady Damp-fart of Her-fart-shire! Do the puns ever stop?!

Unfortunately, they do not. I wish I had the last hour of my life back.